terça-feira, 9 de dezembro de 2008

AS MINHAS LEITURAS


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Vejo-me sentada num maple castanho, no escritório do meu pai, com um livro sobre os joelhos – ainda não sabia ler – mas o desejo era tanto, que folheando e apreciando as ilustrações, eu, embevecida inventava a sua leitura.
Agora, vejo-me em passo largo a aprender a ler com a minha avó, na Cartilha João de Deus. Depois foi um salto para iniciar as leituras infantis: “ Os desastres de Sofia”, que muito me afligiram por causa do banho quente dado à boneca de cera, “As meninas exemplares” também da Condessa de Ségur…mas aquelas que mais ficaram gravadas na minha memória, foram algumas da autoria de Monteiro Lobato, deste destaco: “A história do mundo para as crianças” “A geografia de D. Benta” “Aritmética da Emília”, D. Quixote de la Mancha para as crianças” de que guardo, particularmente, o modo como o Sancho Pança comia – nacos e nacos de carne desapareciam no canudo das goelas…”. Claro, D. Benta, Narizinho, Pedrinho, o visconde e a Emília viveram também comigo.

Já adolescente, os livros de Philips Openheim tornaram-se-me inesquecíveis. Decorriam na alta sociedade londrina, algum tempo antes de eclodir a 2ª guerra mundial. As personagens, espiões de alto nível, tinham entre si um relacionamento moderno, descontraído, de flirt de amor subtil, que me deliciavam mais do que as aterradoras expectativas de guerra.

Mulherzinha, com Max du Veuzit e M. Delly, passei a viver em ambientes diversos: palacetes, quintas, encarnava-me em donzelas ingénuas, puras, que se apaixonavam “à la folie” por belos fidalgos, orgulhosos, taciturnos, inatingíveis. De M. Delly, recordo um jovem de nome Arpad, que era tão deprimido, que os jardineiros, todas as manhãs, percorriam os jardins do palacete, para apanharem as florinhas das planta silvestres que no seu modesto colorida, entristeciam ainda mais o jovem proprietário.
E com estas leituras tolas mas para mim encantadoras, talhei o meu perfil ideal – queria um homem bonito, melancólico e muito romântico – e encontrei! Mas Max du Veuzit nunca descreveu o percurso desses amores na estrada da Vida a dois, esqueceu de assinalar as célebres frases proferidas no acto nupcial…prometo-te amar, honrar e obedecer na saúde, na doença, na riqueza, na pobreza na alegria e na tristeza… jamais se referiu ao que eu chamarei de CAMINHO, com as suas voltas, curvas, subidas, descidas e tombos também. Cheia de sonhos, enquanto bordava o meu enxoval, tirava sempre tempo para a leitura. Alexandre Dumas: “Os três mosqueteiros” “O Visconde de Bragellone” “O colar da Rainha”… Como desejei empurrar o Cardeal Mazarino e a bela Milady com a sua rosa tatuada nas costas, pelo inferno adentro! Inesquecível também, o banho do velho Thibault numa tentativa de lhe salvar a vida, e onde é descrito com grande realidade o seu velho corpo já decrépito.
Agora, mulher amadurecida, trilhando um caminho sem flores, monótono, triste, os livros foram o meu cajado. Devorava-os: os nossos clássicos, “A prima Raquel”, com os seus chás medicinais, “Rebeca” “O Arco do Triunfo” “A Pomba” “Mr Sommer”, “O jardim de Alla” e muitos outros me ajudaram a e evitaram que me sentasse numa curva do meu árduo caminho.
Mas não há mal que sempre dure, e vem o tempo em que lia para apreciar e não para entorpecer. As idas para férias para o Porto Moniz são imemoráveis. Verões e verões com os amigos SOL, MAR e LIVROS. No WW atulhado de malas, sacos e mantimentos Eça de Queiroz tinha lugar cativo. Margaret Mitchel (E tudo o vento levou), Franz Werfel ( A canção de Bernardete) e mais outros preferidos, já lá estavam à minha espera. E a propósito do Eça, estava eu, uma tarde, comodamente recostada, no meu balcãozinho donde se desfrutava uma bela vista do mar – entra na minha cozinha um gato esfomeado e comeu a carne que estava para ser guisada, para o jantar! Claro! Quem pagou foi o Eça
Mas, agora, recordando algumas das minhas leituras, reconheço que Max du Veuzit inculcou em mim uma hiper-sensibilidade que me levou à leitura dos Salmos de David (Desperta Senhor, porque dormes? Desperta e não me rejeites mais para sempre…) pois deste modo, sentia-me em união com a minha mãe que se entristecia muito com a minha ausência. E mais, como me empolgava quando a mãe, quase no fim da vida ainda recitava Cyrano de Bergerac falando à Roxane sobre a ternura dum beijo:..( un point rose qu’on met sur l’i du verbe aimer; c’est un secret qui prend la bouche pour oreille;un instant d’infini qui fait un bruit d’abeille;une comunion ayant un gôut de fleur…).
Hoje, reformada, livre, livre de trabalhos, cuidados, deveres, só faço o que me dá prazer…ler, é claro, é uma das principais opções.Ler, conhecer novos escritores que eu ignorava por completo. Apaixonar-me por Peixoto (…durante meses não sobreviver. Depois, muito devagar, como um vício que se recupera, fui encontrando pedaços de mim…) E Alexandre o’Neil (… um hoje que nunca é hoje, um amanhã que já é ontem…) Kalil Gibran (…quem me dera que pudesseis viver do perfume da terra e sustentar-vos como as plantas apenas de luz…).
E tenho ainda muitos outros à minha espera!
Que Max du Veuzit não sinta ciúmes.

Teresa

35 comentários:

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Ó comentador anterior, o blog já era 5 estrelas antes!!!

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